Back in Oxford

Return back to England at midnight and Jake does not speak to me. Was nightmare journey with random 8 hour pause in Singapore at which point was not sure if it was morning or night-time. Decided to have toenails done and feet massaged and then Thai head massage. Scottish man rang me when I was having my feet done and we talked for the whole 3 hour stopover. We make a plan to meet up with him back in England the following week on Robbie Burns night and go out for Haggis. I suspect Haggis will be high in Calories, but do not mind because can just push around plate and act like thin person and not eat, so that Scottish man will love me and think I am a waif.

First week back in back water hick office is horrible. Weather is freezing cold and depressing and I get cow shit all over my expensive boots every day. I have to wait for bus in the dark as is freezing depths of winter and only Dimitri breaks the monotony by waiting for me at the bus stop with a lovely warm skinny decaf cappuccino for me. I have found a place to have warm toast bagel every morning on my way to the bus stop. For lunch I try to have sandwiches but the stress of Jake having not spoken to me and my boots possibly being ruined has messed up my appetite. Each day for four days at lunchtime, I eat only half a sandwich. At dinner time I eat my usual spicy lentil soup and get this - can NOT finish it. On Friday morning before work I weigh self and am 62kg. And I have not even exercised. Am happiest ever as am seeing Scottish man tonight and feel very thin. Perhaps he will love me.

I stop off to see Sally at her house in London on way to see Scottish man. She gives me a plate of hummous and pita bread to line our stomachs but I eat only the bread as can not eat garlicky hummus just before grand reunion with Scottish man. I drink a bottle of wine with her and Niles. I bring them chocolates which Sally of course can’t eat because of perpetual diet. I stop drinking wine as I am afraid that with a loose tongue I might accidently tell Scottish man that I love him when he next says something brilliant. I get ready to see Scottish man and dress in matching underwear and outfit I have been picking all week. I ask Sally’s advice on how I look and she advises she is not a lezzer and when I try to show her pretty matching underwear Sally shields her eyes and makes gagging sound. Have perfect amount of fake tan on and even Sally comments that I am thin. I dress in casual outfit and winter tartan new jacket and take the c2c train to Essex to see Scottish man. He picks me up from Station. I have not seen him for six weeks and besides being so pale he was almost blue he was still very handsome and had beautiful black curls etc.

He cooks dinner delicious pasta with mozzarella basil and tomato. He is not drinking but I have had some wine with Sally and this tides me over. He has more shoes than I do but not in a gay way but in a metrosexual way and we have a happy discussion about shoes and the importance of them to your general wellbeing. He makes me a cup of tea and I say ‘I love him I love him I love him’ 20 times while he is out of the room to get it out of my system so I can act discerning and slightly haughty when he arrives back. We talk and watch American sitcoms into the night. In the morning he makes beautiful breakfast of eggs scrambled perfectly and bacon on ciabatta. I mainly just push it round my plate in front of him and then stuff huge mouthfuls in my mouth while he is out of the room. At the same time miming to his back that I love him.