Following week

I still have to work in London and hate Jake so spend most of the following week in the empty London flat. I still have a grace period before I officially have stopped paying rent in London and therefore decide to stay there for the weekend also. On Friday I skip lunch entirely as noone from work is around to convince me to have Thai food or red wine. I leave work early as its Friday to meet Sally and Niles for champagne. Champagne is first thing I have eaten since a cereal bar for breakfast. Olives arrive. I mainline them. I tell Sally and Niles everything is great in new flash house on river and that could not be happier with Jake. Niles goes to toilet. ‘You want to move out don’t you’ says Sally. ‘Is moving in nerves’ she says.

Sally and Niles giggle lovingly and plan their wedding. I order bottle of rose for self as they are buying lovers bottles for two. I ignore their stupid marital happiness and begin long discussion with stranger at the next table.

I check messages to see if Jake has left furious text. There is a text from a hot Scottish bloke I had met in a pub a year or ago and we had sent the odd flirty text ever since but I had never laid eyes on him since. He had just facebooked me. ‘You are cute on facebook’ text says. ‘I see you are in Notting Hill tonight so am I, how about we meet’. I had always been intrigued to see him again as recalled black curly hair and intense eyes like Lord Byron. Also, crucially recall him being funny. I had always had a boyfriend before though when we discussed meeting up, that I liked. Do not care for boyfriend right now. I text back ‘Will be at Notting Hill tube around 11’. I then drink the full bottle of Rose in short space of time. I look up and Sally and Niles have gone.

I get to tube station and Scottish man is there. Has black curls and intense eyes. He tells me he does not live in Scotland but in Essex and has just come in on train. Immediately he is funny and I am so drunk I fall about laughing. Pubs are closed so we wander to my place. He has to hold me up. We both drink gin and tonics in my lounge. He immediately mocks me for everything and I find this amusing. We talk until the wee hours. We both fall asleep on my couches listening to Kate Nash.

Awake in horror and look over at next couch at byron-esque black curls and peaceful Scottish freckled face. He opens eyes and I expect horror and quick exit. He makes joke and then picks up conversation from where he left off. He tells me he loves Friends and Scrubs and American TV not British shows about ugly people. He tells me that he loves the water and we work out we are both the eldest siblings. He SEEMS to be relatively perfect and then he says ‘hey so this week Ive been cooking really beautiful meals for one. I cooked a whiskey sauce for my steak and I got a Vanilla pod and I scraped out the middle bla bla’ did not hear more as blood was rushing in temples. Man who cooks and loves food and talks about food. Is too good to be true. ‘Where is your boyfriend?’ He asks. ‘we are having some difficulties, he does not like to travel’. ‘I like to travel’ says Scottish guy. ‘He does not believe in marriage’ I say. ‘I believe in Marriage’ says Scottish guy. ‘He does not want to leave England and go and live in NZ one day’ I say. ‘I will move to NZ with you’ says Scottish guy. ‘He is tight’ I say. ‘Would you like some cash’ says Scottish guy.

I ran to toilet dry retch and text Sally.: ‘Took home man from Essex last night and I love him and want to marry him’ She texts back ‘You and Jake are just both panicking about moving in as is big step. Jake is reacting by being full of rage and you react by wanting to marry a random chav from Essex. Calm down. Is fine’.

Scottish guy and I talk on couches all day until 4pm. Then we decide to go to the pub for pint and food. He pays for everything. I have headache and he runs off to get Panadol and brings it to me. I order crab ravioli with butter sauce. We hold hands at table and then he leaves to go back to Essex. I go back to couch and lie down where he sat and stroke the indentation he left dreamily. I then pull myself together and decide to weigh self after butter sauce and various Pizza incidents. Strangely am 62kg. Smallest weight yet. - Strange as I have essentially not been dieting. Must remember this combination of stress, alcohol abuse, and butter ravioli for future.