Monday morning I had to do the usual get up early to get the bus back to London. This time however, the mists were hanging low covering Oxfordshire in a shroud of beauty and calmness. I'm just kidding. It was cold and I hated everyone.
In order to save time I did not shower or do my hair or makeup. My face was red and bald and I had almost no eyes. Because of the cold I had a cup of porridge when I got to work and a coffee. I put a dash of honey in it. I decided that since I had not showered the best thing to do would be to do a run at lunchtime and shower at work after that. So, I ran 4.4kms however it seemed to take me around 40 minutes. I emailed my friend Vince who takes protein shakes after lunch in distress telling him that at that rate it would take me 5 hours to do a half marathon. He said no it's ok, sometimes the cold makes you run slower.
This made me feel better, although sometimes I suspect that Vince is schooled in saying the exact perfect thing in a situation even if he doesn't mean it. For example, recently all the boys decided to set up a books and whiskey club. I found out about it and confronted Vince over lunch as to why I was not invited. He tried to allege it was boys only but this only got a rant about the patriarchy. He then said I wouldn't like it, and I shrieked at him that how could he KNOW that when I was DELIBERATELY discluded on account of my gender in order to oppress me and stifle my spirit and the spirit of ALL women. Vince then started to say something else but quickly changed it to 'It's because you are too pretty to be in it'. 'Stop it' I beamed at him, drawing little circles delightedly on the table with my fingers. 'You are...you are pretty'.
Anyway after the run I had a falafel wrap which is vegan and then some of the jellybeans when the Christian wasn't looking. And then for dinner I ate some tuna and peas and pasta and just some herbs, chicken stock a dash of vinegar and that's all. Have stopped keeping nice things in the house so I could not feed my craving for more.
Day 7 back on track
It's now cold so it's back into comfort food and Sunday is my day that I usually cook for Jake. Autumn is all about stews and roasts and creamy soups so I have to seriously watch that one. My plan is to cook lots of them for Jake but not eat them myself. However, to get his dinner Jake has to make breakfast on Sundays and run around after me all day and bring me anything my hangover desires first.
Sometimes I play a little evil game to see how quickly I can wear out his patience. 'Please bring me my handbag' I say and he goes and gets it. 'Oh' I say, trying to look in the bag without lifting my head, 'My phone is not in here can you get it' 'Oh' I say when it arrives 'the battery is flat can you get my charger' On this occasion Jake was NOT in the mood for it and started a rant about how he apparently 'isn't my slave' and 'while we are at it can you not write about my flatulence in your blog' He started storming round the house and cleaning up things, a sure sign that he will come back into the room any second finding some lid I had left off or some dirty socks I had stashed down the side of his bed. I heard his footsteps coming toward the lounge and I looked around wildly for somewhere to hide. There was nowhere. In a flash of inspiration, I quickly pulled all my clothes off in the nick of time and when he walked in I said 'TA DA!' and threw my arms in the air manically in celebration. He was holding his toothbrush so presumably he was about to have a go about how I always use it and not my own. Thank God he paused mid rant and was quite distracted. Despite my fatness. Men are so easy. Some time later I happily went to the kitchen to start cooking. The toothbrush was not involved in any way. Just so we are clear.
For breakfast I had bran flakes and a Kit Kat. A small one. And I had no lunch and for dinner I made a stew and mashed potatoes. It was a beef stew which is not diet-friendly but it was Sunday and you are allowed to relax on Sundays.
Sometimes I play a little evil game to see how quickly I can wear out his patience. 'Please bring me my handbag' I say and he goes and gets it. 'Oh' I say, trying to look in the bag without lifting my head, 'My phone is not in here can you get it' 'Oh' I say when it arrives 'the battery is flat can you get my charger' On this occasion Jake was NOT in the mood for it and started a rant about how he apparently 'isn't my slave' and 'while we are at it can you not write about my flatulence in your blog' He started storming round the house and cleaning up things, a sure sign that he will come back into the room any second finding some lid I had left off or some dirty socks I had stashed down the side of his bed. I heard his footsteps coming toward the lounge and I looked around wildly for somewhere to hide. There was nowhere. In a flash of inspiration, I quickly pulled all my clothes off in the nick of time and when he walked in I said 'TA DA!' and threw my arms in the air manically in celebration. He was holding his toothbrush so presumably he was about to have a go about how I always use it and not my own. Thank God he paused mid rant and was quite distracted. Despite my fatness. Men are so easy. Some time later I happily went to the kitchen to start cooking. The toothbrush was not involved in any way. Just so we are clear.
For breakfast I had bran flakes and a Kit Kat. A small one. And I had no lunch and for dinner I made a stew and mashed potatoes. It was a beef stew which is not diet-friendly but it was Sunday and you are allowed to relax on Sundays.
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