Vegan day 12

The next day, a Saturday, everything went horribly wrong because we went to a French restaurant to meet our Oxford friends for lunch. I don't want to be all down about the French, and in no WAY would I have any reason to BE down about the French, I LOVE the smell of garlic and I too, give up easily. So I just want to go ahead and say that they make disgusting food and abuse animals. There, it's out there. Anyway disgusting or not, it's still food, and therefore yummy so I ate some.

There is NOTHING vegan or even slightly vegan on any Drench restaurant anywhere. I ordered mushrooms with melted raclette on top and felt that this was doing well to start. Then a bottle of delicous Sancerre (sure, we had only been up for an hour, but it was 12.30pm, so noone ELSE KNEW I was having wine for breakfast). Anyhow as a main, with the wine giving me the glad eye towards the menu, I ordered duck and fois gras. I KNOW you can't get any less VEGAN than fois gras, and therefore I knew I had ruined it. Oh, but the delicous fattyness of that overstuffed liver.

So from there on the diet went wrong and I've been eating meat and cheese and little else since. I then had a holiday in France for some weeks and hence, I am back on the diet now, and therefore can write again.

It has been a month however, and I haven't run OR watched what I've been eating. So it's only fair that I should weigh myself, and I'm 66kg, fatter than ever before. Today is Monday and I have realised it's only three months till the wedding and WORSE, one of those months is December. Everyone knows that December is full of sitting inside drinking and eating pub food beause it's too cold to do anything else, plus it's full of office parties and free stuff, and everyone knows free stuff tastes better. Must be in the 50's of kgs for the wedding. Must not be fat bridesmaid. Again.

So I need to go hard from now on. I need to forget that only a week ago I was eating mountains of moules and frites and hamburgers and yes, more fois gras, and go back on a diet. I have decided to do a half marathon. I started to run again tonight and found that 3k is now a massive effort as I am now like a regular person with a whole bag of oranges worth of extra weight round my neck. Worse than this, I could feel the extra fat on my stomach bouncing around the whole way, in time to the tunes on my iPod.

I woke up first thing today and Jake had stayed the night at my place. He had fallen asleep with his hand on my belly and when we awoke his hand was cupped and a mountain of fat was sitting comfortably in his hand. I gagged a couple of times on awaking at my own disgustingness and then lurched off towards the bathroom, the sight of myself in the full length mirror fuelling my determination to be thinner.

So I had a small cup of porridge and honey for breakfast and a skinny cappucino. I then had nothing else to eat till lunch time when I ate a vegetable wrap while I walked around. I walk so half the calories in the wrap don't count and also so that I can be away from the office because I hate everyone in it and they give me the rage. In the afternoon I had two fingers of a Kit Kat, but this doesn't count as it was someone else's, in the office, who I hate, which I stole when they were looking away for a moment. And then for dinner my flatmate had made tacos. He is pretty gay though so had used lean mince and no cheese or sour cream. I told him that my fat was bouncing around on my run and he asked if I needed a stomach bra. I don't know what one is but I am pretty sure it's clear where to direct my rage now.