Day 9 being a vegan

I started the day just with a banana and a soy milk cappuccino. Last night's bottle of wine was swirling round in my stomach on the bus in but I drank loads of water all the way in. Some people on the bus smell REAL bad and would do well to shower before taking public transport.

So I was very good with water intake on the bus into work because I enjoyed burying my nose inside the water bottle and not smelling the disgusting people.

Anyway was aware that I had to drink again that night for Work Dario's PROPER work drinks so wanted to fill self up at lunchtime and also had the slight hangover emptiness you get when you need a pie or some chips. Neither of those was an option, so I had a small punnet of marinated veggies on couscous and accompanied it with leek and potato soup. Work Dario said that it was probably CREAM and leek potato soup but I chose to ignore him. ALSO I was feeling ever so thin on account, I think, of all the vegan food making things, erm, MOVE quite quickly. Nothing had time to hang around to cause any kind of bloatyness. Anyway, lunch was ruined, because chauvinistic patronising arrogant Christian guy came to join us for lunch for Work Dario's last day at work. Work Dario looked him up and down with disdain and then proceeded to ignore him. Obviously I have told Work Dario about The Christian's views on The Gays, and Work Dario, as a result, does not care for him. This left me to make the most painful excruciating conversation with the Christian. We have of course, nothing in common, and after a few awkward minutes I started peppering my conversation with 'fuck' and 'cunt' to make him leave. Eventually he left, muttering in his stupid posh voice.

But this was not the last of the awkwardness with the Christian. As we worked through the afternoon, the support staff, made up of large cheerful red faced Cockney ladies who have worked in the same office for all time, came up to me and The Christian (we sit back to back with each other but never speak) and announced they had had a crapper of a week and were off early to the pub and we could join them if we liked, but we weren't getting any more work out of them today. It was 4pm. 'Of course' I said by all means, go, and I'll pop over to the pub in a minute to buy you all a pint for all the great work you have done for us till now'.

'I won't' said the stupid Christian 'far too early'. And turned his back to them. The Christian, being 25, really needs to watch his attitude as every single person in the whole office is older than him and do not care to be patronised. As the support ladies walked out I did the finger to him behind his back just to get them to like me and be popular.

After they left I said 'hey Stupid Christian' (not his real name), 'I actually think we should, as a TEAM, go over and show our appreciation to the support staff by buying them a round. I think their morale is low and they work hard and they might just be feeling undervalued'.

Christian said 'well there is no reason to buy them a drink with our own money we can't claim it back on expenses'. I stared at him. 'Well that is quite monumentally tight of you' I said. He didn't flinch. I notice that about English people sometimes, they are very tight and don't even mind you saying so to their face. I mean, I understand WHY on account of house prices and overpopulation, but English people, as a race, are quite tight. Some, not all.

'Tell you what, come on over and I'LL buy the pints and you just show support.' I said. He led the way out of the office and walked a metre ahead of me all the way to the pub. Probably does that with his wife. POOR her.

We got to the pub and the ladies were drinking Prosecco. 'Right', I said, 'I will get you a couple of bottle of that'. 'No no', they said, 'We want The Christian to buy us drinks -don't you buy them Arabella'. They ambushed us with cries of 'The Christian never puts his hand in his pocket', 'He's tight', 'he would peel an orange in his pocket he would'. The Christian, by this time, had sat down and was not reacting. Awkwardly I looked at him and then said 'Well he clearly isn't going to get one, so I will.'

'No no!' they cried at him. 'We know how much you earn, you always leave before your round and last time we went out for lunch you left early and we all had to pay for you!' I was DYING of embarrassment for him, and he wasn't even CRINGING. I dragged him off to the bar. 'We are buying them two bottles' I said, 'we will pay for one each'. He said 'don't be ridiculous, they don't need two bottles. It's preposterous' ( yes he really DID say that, that's how he talks). There were FIVE Ladies there, and boozy red nosed ladies at that. 'OF COURSE they need 2 bottles' I said. I ordered two, and Christian said 'I'm not paying seven pounds for a bottle it's ridiculous. I've got £2 here for a Coke. You can take this towards it, and I will credit card my Coke'. I took the £2. The bar lady wouldn't let him card his Coke and so I had to give him the £2 back. We stood awkwardly at the bar, I couldn't look at him as I was both embarrassed for, and full of hatred for him. Finally the bar lady put the bottles of wine on the bar and the Christian picked them BOTH up and took them over to the ladies table and proceeded to pour them out to the ladies with a flourish as if he had just thrown down his credit card on the bar with gay abandon.

This had nothing to do with my diet other than, in order not to attack him verbally or physically, I drank most of one of the bottles of Prosecco myself, to keep the bile from rising in my throat. Every time he spoke, and I had to speak back, I did a kind of gag reflex back into my glass. Such is my revulsion of him.

Then I left and went to Work Dario's leaving, and of course sat there and regiled all the lovely gays of the Christian's fall from grace. As I bid Work Dario and his lovely boyfriend Lee farewell, and begged them not to go, I realised I had not eaten but had drunk very, very much.

I got home and cooked up wholewheat pasta, lots of. Takes AGES to cook. Then the only thing I could find that was vegan was olive oil. Lovely olive oil. And chives.