In the book that inspired this, Skinny Bitch, it said you should have fruit for breakfast, even though it's not that satisfying it's meant to be the best way to start the day. I figured I could do this because mornings are such a shit time anyway, I figure even if I was allowed chips with mayo for breakfast it couldn’t make it any better. So no problems doing just fruit. I started with a banana and a kiwifruit. Flatmate kindly distracted me by ironing his shirt topless for at least 20 minutes and that DID take the mind off the hunger. They sure do pick up a nice tan in the summer those Australians.
The plan is to accompany the veganism with trying where possible to not eat refined sugars. So no white bread, white rice or white pasta. The white rice will be the hardest - that is my prediction. If I have to eat white bread or rice or pasta it's ok but can NOT have meat or dairy. PLAN is also that I am allowed time off for special eating occasions and this is allowed as I'm not a real vegan just pretending to be one in case it makes me thin.
Then I went to work and couldn’t have my cappuccino on account of the milk so was unable to wake up for most of the morning. It wasn’t till Work Dario arrived that he suggested I could have a soy milk cappuccino or similar. To my great surprise the disgusting work canteen does soy milk so I was able to wake that morning. For lunch, I went with Work Dario to find something vegan. He was chastising me the whole time saying that there was nothing vegan and it was a stupid idea. He appears to be the FIRST one that I have annoyed and it is now the most constant thing in his day to berate me for being annoying. But in his face, because at Tescos they have a vegan section and I found some marinated veggies on couscous. It was SO yummy and filling and more carby than what I’m used to so I had a surprisingly productive afternoon on account of I was actually full. People were asking me questions and I would actually answer and they would get a fright because they are used to me grunting or ignoring them and sighing dreamily and thinking about food. I LOVE being a vegan with its relaxed attitude to carbs.
However it all fell to pieces because flatmate sent an email saying ‘could I do him a favour’ and ‘remember to take the rubbish out when it's my turn’. And this annoyed me because I was like 'well are you my dad and if you are can you give me more money and buy me heaps of presents coz that’s what I’m used to and that’s what my ACTUAL dad does.' And so I decided in a fit of temper that I would jump on the bus and go to Oxford and see Jake instead of going to home to face flatmate. I texted Jake and said ‘can you make something vegan please honey?’ he texted back ‘sure’.
When I arrived had dinner on the table for the first time EVER. Chilli Con Carne. And NOT the vegetarian type. Wow men are NOT smart. I was like what part of VEGAN were you not clear on? And he was like well it doesn’t have DAIRY in it. I know the part he wasn’t clear on though, the part where I didn’t give him step by step exact instructions and where I foolishly let him think for himself. Rookie mistake, rookie.
So I ate it, and decided to start tomorrow for SERIOUS with the no meat.
Bologna
Was meant to start the Bologna day with a long run but it was so nice not to have to go to stupid work and deal with sexist chauvinistic patronising arrogant Christian guy that I decided to sleep in a little. And then got up all excited about the 'chos, and raced out to the airport. Sally was waiting for me, I think her excitement was such that she never even slept and went to the airport at the crack of dawn. She was excited about the airport mind, not the actual trip away. I said to her 'I suspect the highlight of your trip is the airport'. She said 'what’s not to like? Food, shops'. Good point I thought, good point. I met her and was most disappointed to note she was very small indeed. Well, I thought I will just encourage her to partake in some creamy cheesy deliciousness in Italy’s great eating city otherwise known as 'La Grassa' meaning the fat. 'La Grassa Sally La Grasssa indeed' I thought.
We got to the airport and sat down in the bar with a crispy cool bottle of Sauvignon and a plate each of nachos. I had the mince ones and Sally had the bean ones. We barely spoke for the first little while just grunted and ate and slurped the wine happily. Then they delayed the flight so we decided to find somewhere to drink more wines. On the way there linked arms and lurched through duty free buying ugly pieces of merchandise we would never wear and giggling maniacally. By the time we boarded the flight we were in very high spirits and I was loudly telling the South African air host man to 'don’t be a stranger with those wines big guy'. He was incidentally a bit of a stranger with them, and I think this might indeed have been for our own good.
On our trips away we go in little phases of things we are into. For some reason in Bologna after some discussions about American sitcoms we decided that we were New York Jewish. 'From yoi mouth to goids e-yas' Sally would say. 'You kiss yoi mother with that mouth?' I would reply. We arrived in Bologna and it was SO hot, we nearly fainted of dehydration. 'More alcohols!' we agreed joyfully and took a bus to the centre of the city. There we lurched around until we found a cute little bistro where we ordered the local specialties. Sally had parpadelle with a blue cheese sauce and I had the tagliatelle Bolognese. One of their local dishes is also tortellini and cream sauce but I saved that little heart attack on a plate for the next day. We ordered rich chocolatey deserts and plates of meat and cheese. 'oy vei' we said to each other, munching happily.
The next day we got up and tried to find 'kwaffee'. We then saw the basic sights before sitting down for Gelato. Then we had the tortellini and cheese sauce and some pizzas. After this we were too hot to do anything more than sit about drinking beers and saying 'oi its so hoit'.
By the Sunday we had eaten all the local specialities, and drank them for that matter and so we were feeling fat again. But no matter, as I would be a vegan on Monday and be thin forever more.
We got to the airport and sat down in the bar with a crispy cool bottle of Sauvignon and a plate each of nachos. I had the mince ones and Sally had the bean ones. We barely spoke for the first little while just grunted and ate and slurped the wine happily. Then they delayed the flight so we decided to find somewhere to drink more wines. On the way there linked arms and lurched through duty free buying ugly pieces of merchandise we would never wear and giggling maniacally. By the time we boarded the flight we were in very high spirits and I was loudly telling the South African air host man to 'don’t be a stranger with those wines big guy'. He was incidentally a bit of a stranger with them, and I think this might indeed have been for our own good.
On our trips away we go in little phases of things we are into. For some reason in Bologna after some discussions about American sitcoms we decided that we were New York Jewish. 'From yoi mouth to goids e-yas' Sally would say. 'You kiss yoi mother with that mouth?' I would reply. We arrived in Bologna and it was SO hot, we nearly fainted of dehydration. 'More alcohols!' we agreed joyfully and took a bus to the centre of the city. There we lurched around until we found a cute little bistro where we ordered the local specialties. Sally had parpadelle with a blue cheese sauce and I had the tagliatelle Bolognese. One of their local dishes is also tortellini and cream sauce but I saved that little heart attack on a plate for the next day. We ordered rich chocolatey deserts and plates of meat and cheese. 'oy vei' we said to each other, munching happily.
The next day we got up and tried to find 'kwaffee'. We then saw the basic sights before sitting down for Gelato. Then we had the tortellini and cheese sauce and some pizzas. After this we were too hot to do anything more than sit about drinking beers and saying 'oi its so hoit'.
By the Sunday we had eaten all the local specialities, and drank them for that matter and so we were feeling fat again. But no matter, as I would be a vegan on Monday and be thin forever more.
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