Day 29

Weak and Shaky now. Shows what a big giant pig I am that having only the three square meals makes me feel like an old lady. Sally and I used to congratulate each other when we ate so little that we felt faint. ‘Nearly fell off the treadmill with the dizziness’ I would say. ‘Oh well done, well done’ she would say ‘hopefully you will faint in the street on the way home in waif-like manner’. However you HAVE to be thin to faint in a waif-like manner. Does not work if there is a god almighty thump and crash when you fall.

Had a bagel and cappuccino for breakfast and then spent morning psyching myself up to run. I thought of every excuse I could but with Bologna looming and the sure knowledge that Sally was hardly eating a THING, I had to do it. Luckily, I work with a horrible posh extremely Christian workmate who is patronising arrogant and sexist. Everything I hate in a package. So all I had to do was have a conversation with him, and it gave me enough rage to energise me to run fast. ‘What are your views on homosexuality?’ I asked him idly. ‘Well it's only wrong if you act on it’ he said. ‘God is offended by this, but mostly because its any relations outside of marriage’. 'But gays can get married now’ I said. ’I’m sure all Jesus wanted was for us to love each other. Aren’t gay people loving each other?’ ‘You can't interpret the Bible to be politically correct to suit your own means’ he said.

I don’t even know where to start with that.

Everyone knows how much I LOVE the gays so there it was, my friend, MR RAGE. I pounded the pavement with gritted teeth to the rhythm of HATE him HATE him HATE him. It worked and I ran round two parks in about 30 minutes. My iPod was on so loud that I only realised after I turned it off that I MAY have been grunting HATE HIM HATE HIM out loud. Oh well, soon I will be unrecognisably thin, and then no one will know that it was me. If I have no motivation tomorrow MUST ask him his views on abortion. Note to self.

After the run I had a salad and a Diet Coke. There was a tiny bit of feta in the salad but no dressing. For dinner that night I was CRAVING the carbs so I had to have some stir-fry noodles with an egg mixed in there and some veggies. It would be Weight watchers four points maybe 5 but I felt guilty. I wonder if this is the start of an eating disorder. Oooo hope so. Imagine everyone sitting around my bedside begging me to eat. ‘Alright’ I would say. ‘I’ll just have a super large pizza and some cheesy wedges with sour cream. If it will make you HAPPY’. Ah, fond images.